Wednesday, March 11, 2009

fan mail:::

Andrea from Alabama* writes :::


Music - or lack thereof

I just want to let you know that I unfortunately happened upon one of your..."musical" videos on the internet and I don't think I have ever heard such a fucked up, garbled mess of shit. Your "band" is the musical equivalent of someone jabbing sharp rocks into my ears. It's like a vomit enema. You're Canadian, right? That explains it. I didn't even know that people like you existed until a few minutes ago, and what has been seen cannot be unseen. The horrors that lie within this atrocious webpage have scarred me for life, and I can honestly say that the three minutes I spent watching your video were the most regretable of my life. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with your singer? Does she have epilepsy? Last time I checked, shoving the microphone in your mouth and purposely gagging into it isn't singing, you washed up bunch of fucking basement geeks. Do you even know what you stand for? Because wearing black and white checkered framed glasses and performing fellatio on a microphone are not typically associated with socially functional human beings. I pray that laryngitis finds you all. Forever. Please don't ever have children. Please. If I had to choose one way of describing your "music", it would be by sending an actual piece of shit as an email attachment. Good day to you, sir.

12 comments:

M*P*Lockwood said...

WOW. Amazing! I wish I had written this review. If I was not already familiar with AIDS Wolf I would run out to find a copy of your record immediately upon reading this. Congratulations!

This should be your new official bio in the press kit.

Justin said...

I'm guessing she won't be making the drive to Arkansas on St. Patrick's Day.

eis said...

<3

Tobias said...

I love the part about the email attachment. Kids are cyborgs.

Frank said...

Is it weird that her thoughts pretty much mirror my own in every way other that in my case, her arguments only go to support my appreciation of your band and my deepest and most sincere wish to empregnate all of you?

Meeshelll Veellarrealll said...

funnee.

river said...

I can understand thinking quietly about it to yourself, but having the need to send a poorly thought out email to the band actually shows how ignorant someone can be...

Matt2 said...

What Mr. Lockwood said!

woodruff said...

this is great! i cant figure out if shes a fan or not? looks like yall need to hit up alabama. chloe is down syndrome right?

bn-i said...

Order is never observed; it is disorder that attracts attention because it is awkward and intrusive.

-Eliphas Levi

bn-i.blogspot.com

Sean said...

wow! Alabamians! we're not all that way, but you can see why i moved to the Bay Area. schuz!

sean

Gene Quagmire said...

Obvious Troll is Obvious.